When Ike Davis told reporters,”Gag me with a spoon,” red flags were raised. Why was he talking like he grew up in Reseda? It wasn’t the dreaded Valley Fever, was it? Like, oh my god, it might be. Valley Fever, from what I gathered from Google, WebMD and other non-reliable sources, could knock Davis out a week, two weeks, a month, a year or for his career. Yes, there’s a lot of space between best and worst case scenario. Maybe you remember Conor Jackson got Valley Fever and pulled a Kotchman for a year. The kicker for me is the Mets trainers scare the shizz out of me. They once diagnosed Casey Stengel with the flu and he had been dead for seven years. Right now, the Mets are saying it shouldn’t be more than a week for Ike. I’m not moving him down my rankings yet, but if you’re drafting right now, I’d be very cautious. Anyway, here’s some more news going on in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Corey Hart – Had knee swelling and went for an MRI. When the trainer told Ron Roenicke Hart’s issue, he said, “Corey swelling,” and Ron said, “Donna Martin graduates.” The MRI said (figuratively) Hart needs arthroscopic surgery and will miss the start of the season. I’d be surprised if we see him at full speed before the third week of April. Figure, four weeks to recoup and at least one week to go on assignment. It’s a pretty big blow for Corey Hart and everyone that likes to wear sunglasses at night.
Rickie Weeks – From the Files of “Of Course Rickie Weeks Is Injured” comes a predictable update. He’s injured. Maybe if they rename his dossier the files of “Maybe Rickie Weeks Is Healthy,” he might have a fighting chance.
Jesus Montero – Took a foul ball off his mask, inspiring him to turn water into the whine, “Shouldn’t I just be hitting?” The good news is he was catching. Hopefully, this is a sign that Montero won’t have to wait long to get catcher eligibility. I’m guessing with days off and days he just DHs, he’ll need about two to three weeks for 10 games played behind the plate. The other good news, his punim is fine.
A.J. Burnett – Broke his orbital bone during a bunting drill. This is the worst bunting injury since a Set PA over-decorated the seaboard of The Love Boat and bunting fell on Gavin MacLeod during a dress rehearsal and nearly caused a work stoppage. “We only have Annette Funicello until Friday; get MacLeod back on the set!” That’s a studio exec in the 70’s. A.J. is out until at least May. Probably the nicest thing he’s done to fantasy owners in the past few years, so now no one in their right mind will draft him hoping for a bounce back.
Grady Sizemore – I swear Grady Sizemore’s body is older than Whitman B. Mayo, who played Grady on Sanford and Son, and that actor passed away over ten years ago. Sizemore’s now out for 12 weeks after undergoing micro-discectomy surgery, which is a surgery performed by a miniaturized Dennis Quaid.
Vladimir Guerrero – It’s being reported that the Marlins are not pursuing Vlad. Probably for the best. With his knees, that chase would’ve been a bore. Instead, the Marlins are pursuing Aaron Rowand. That could be fun with Rowand’s tendency to run into walls.
Anibal Sanchez – Felt some soreness in his shoulder. In related news, Grey is holding his breath.
Joel Zumaya – After he has Tommy John surgery performed by Dr. Freeze, he will attempt another comeback. I’m guessing he’s gonna try to throw with his left arm.
Miguel Cabrera – Booted the first ball he saw at third base. Frequent commenter, Steve, suggested he try using this glove. Would allow him to rest between pitches too.
Alex Rios – I think most spring training numbers are meaningless, but one thing to keep an eye on is where people are batting. Right now, Robin Ventura likes Rios in the three hole. Giddy up!
Ryan Howard – Had a setback with his surgically-repaired Achilles because of an infection. Maybe he shouldn’t have tried picking at his wound, yelling “Scabs here” like he was Pauly D. The Phils are saying this will delay his original May timetable. I’m beginning to think we should assume we’ll see Howard around the All-Star Break and anything else we get is gravy. Billy Butler, “Did someone say gravy?”
David Wright – Sitting out the first few games of the spring with ribcage discomfort. I’m not concerned yet. Guess what the key word is in that sentence. Hint: Starts with a Y ends in a T and it’s got an E in it.
Daisuke Matsuzaka – Red Sox are saying he could be back by June. Red Sox fans are saying, “Is this really who we’re waiting on? Trade for someone!”
Carl Crawford – Dealing with inflammation of his left wrist. You know what’s good for that? Swinging a bat, if you live in opposite world.
Stephen Drew – Will probably miss the start of the regular season. I’m thinking J.D. and Stephen’s father was Mr. Glass from Unbreakable.
Alfonso Soriano – Said he’s open to batting leadoff. That’s akin to me telling Jessica Alba I’d be open to having sex with her.
Freddie Freeman – Partially dislocated his kneecap. Says it should be, um, re-located shortly. I say look under your thigh. It’s probably right there.
Giancarlo Stanton – Mike Stanton changed his name to Giancarlo. Just when you thought Stanton couldn’t get any sexier, he goes and changes his name to The Sexiest Name Alive, according to People Magazine. If Molière were alive today and not writing a hacky sitcom for The CW, he’d write a play about Giancarlo, the seducer of fantasy baseballers everywhere.
