Derek Holland is not officially a rookie, but that doesn’t mean he might not roofie you. Pitching in and out of the rotation last year, he had some real ulcer-inducing starts. I know, I have the internal scars to prove it. Oh, Mylanta! Though his xFIP was better than his actual ERA. I know, too bad your league isn’t all fussy with an xFIP category. Holland’s a plus-plus strikeout guy. In the hitter-friendly PCL, he had a 37:7 K:BB rate and a 0.93 ERA. He’s homer-prone and in Arlington that is a recipe for turd nuggets. I’m much more aggressive about grabbing young hitters than young pitchers. Hitters give you an 0-for-34 and you punt. A pitcher gives you a 2 IP, 7 ER start and that causes you to punch a random stranger and then next thing you know some guy named Bubba is fitting you for a teardrop tattoo. See how quickly that spiral spun downward? Ask Lawrence Taylor, he’ll tell you. So I didn’t grab Holland anywhere, but I would in the right circumstances, as long as you monitor where you start him. His first two outings are set for the A’s and Angels. That’s a “Yes, please” and “Don’t mind if I do.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Johnny Cueto – 9 IP, 1 hit shutout with 8 Ks as he dropped his ERA to 4.07 on the season. And there’s why I liked him so much in the preseason. If he’s out there in your league, own him, in the non-biblical sense.
Chris Heisey – Got his first major league hit and homer. He’s a 15/15 type that needs to have everyday at-bats to have mixed league value. I think he’s better than Drew Stubbs, but WWDD? My guess is Dusty will continue to play Stubbs.
J.J. Hardy – Headed for the DL with a bruised left wrist. If you don’t have DL room, move on/look elsewhere. Brendan Harris should see most of the time at short. Harris is good… To avoid. Twins also called up Matt Tolbert. And that’s The Tolbert Report.
Kevin Slowey – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Yeah, Charlie Morton pitched better than Slowey last night. I’m not dropping Slowey, but that’s only because I don’t own him in 12 team leagues or shallower. If I did, he’d be done-zo. In deeper leagues, I’m holding him but I’m not starting him next time out. I’m kinda just hoping for a trip to the Disgraceful List. How dare you betray my trust, Slowey? You’re about to get filed away with 2009 James Shields, which might be the best thing for your career.
Bobby Jenks – Got the save yesterday, but Ozzie said they could go to a closer by situation, which is closer by committee for those who have used all of their blanks and M tiles.
Franklin Morales – To the DL. Manny Corpas and/or Rafael Betancourt should get the saves, in that order. I’d own both, if I had the room. Unfortunately, I had a big meal of Blown Save Suckage recently, so no room.
Neftali Feliz – Blew a save. You ever own the setup man and hope the closer doesn’t blow it because you don’t trust the setup man? That’s how I feel with Frank Francisco. I own him, but am petrified of him getting save opportunities. Sorta how I feel about Juan Gutierrez too.
Mark DeRosa – Called offseason wrist surgery a total failure and he may need another procedure. The doctor who operated called DeRosa the worst patient ever and said he wants his lollipop back.
Gordon Beckham – 0-for-3 as he hit 8th in the lineup because, well, he sucks. I did have some concerns about him in the preseason. Click it, you know you wanna.
Fred Lewis – 2-for-4, now batting .309 on the year with two homers and 3 steals. Not flashy like my dookie fat gold chain that is just below the frame of my user photo, but Lewis will tortoise you to a 10/17 year.
Russell Branyan – 2 homers yesterday. Could be the start of something if you need power. He did hit 22 homers pre-All-Star Break last year.
Carlos Beltran – Ricky from My So Called Life was cleared to jog and do some baseball activities. You know, like spitting and grabbing his junk. Considering Beltran was only supposed to miss a few games last June, I’ll believe he’s playing baseball again when I see it in Metco.
Scott Olsen – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks. Only one of those baserunners was a walk and a few of those singles were of the “Excuse me” variety. So hold S.O. (<–not a palindrome)
Gaby Sanchez – 1-for-4 with a homer. Yo Gaby Gaby! Yeah, he’s been yawnstipating as all get out.
Randy Wells – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. Without doing the complex math, I’m going to say he was unlucky here too since he only had 5 baserunners and 3 earned. I’m buying into Wells getting, um, well.
Tim Hudson – 6 IP, 12 baserunners (6 BBs), 1 K. Read Wells’ blurb in a mirror.
Troy Glaus – 17 for his last 38 with two homers in two straight games. Should be owned in all leagues while he’s hot.
Tim Stauffer – Added DL to his RP/SP eligibility as he’s out for 6 weeks with an appendectomy.
Brad Lidge – Said he didn’t like how his arm felt when he threw yesterday. That’s usually not a good sign. The Latin 38, Jose Contreras, is the pickup for saves. Everyone seems fine with grabbing Contreras and maybe he’ll be okay, but he seems to be pitching so far over his head I’m surprised he hasn’t been bringing a ladder out to the mound.
Jimmy Rollins – Expects to be back by next week. Maybe he can close.
John Ely – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Said I’d look at him in NL-Only leagues before this start. Now I’d start to look at him in mixed leagues. In his division and park, he should get some decent matchups.
Josh Beckett – Will miss Friday’s start because of back spasms that were a result of taking swings in the batting cage. What, was he reading Rick Ankiel’s Wikipedia page?
Daisuke Matsuzaka – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks. That’s nice, I’m not buying it.
Jason Varitek – You might want to stay away from sharp objects as you read the next two sentences. Varitek hit his 6th homer on the year yesterday. Victor Martinez has 3 homers.
Ben Zobrist – 1-for-3 as he bats .268 on the year. He still hasn’t hit a homer. Wha’ happened? The ‘brist have his power circumcised? It’s not completely surprising to me. As I said in the rankings, “(Zobrist) was a utility man coming into 2009 and I wouldn’t be surprised if he left 2010 back in that role.” And that’s me quoting me!
Brad Penny – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks as his defense let him down with 4 unearned runs. Penny has a 1.70 ERA on the year. You know when you have one guy who is carrying your whole staff and you just know the bottom is going to fall out but you want to believe so bad. Yeah, Penny’s that guy for me on multiple teams.
Brett Myers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. So far this year, he’s been consistently better than average. He seems like a safe bet to get some Ks, keep his team close and at some point beat up a girl.
Hunter Pence – 2-for-4 as he hit his 2nd homer in as many games. Instead of fireworks, the Astros showcased their new way to celebrate a home run. A giant dummy in the outfield that bears a striking resemblance to Ed Wade has its eyes pop out and toupee shoots off its head after a homer.
Eric Chavez – Hit his first homer of the year. It was a called shot. He called it, “I can’t believe I’m not on the DL.”
