The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings are just about in the bag, but first we look at the top 20 middle relievers for 2012 fantasy baseball. No, next we’re not going to do the Top 20 Guys Who Will Have The Most Balks. Chillax. The only people that seem to pay attention to middle relievers are those that play in a Holds league. That’s wrong, I tell ya. A great way to balance out your ratios is by carrying a few middle relievers on your staff. (BTW, Ron Jeremy can carry three middle relievers on his staff.) Say you had Francisco Liriano last year and he mistook your team’s ERA for his toilet, but you also had Jonny Venters. With just Liriano, you had the 5.09 ERA dump to clean up. With Venters and his brand new toilet brush, you had a 3.81 ERA. If you also carried Tyler Clippard, you had a combined 3.24 ERA. Not to mention, you had 5 vulture saves. 9 junky wins. 8 maids o’ milking. 7 Gary Matthews Jr.’s leaping. Oh, and your WHIP went from Liriano’s 1.49 to 1.19 and had an additional 200 Ks. Okay, school’s out, Alice Cooper. Now, with that said — yes, I pulled out the “with that said” — this middle men post is for 5×5 leagues where you want to handcuff your closer to potentially snag some saves and get good ratios. I projected Holds for these guys, but they are not the top 20 Holds guys. They are the most valuable when you consider vulture saves, Ks and ratios. Anyway, here’s the top 20 middle relievers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
1. Aroldis Chapman – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until Adams. I call this tier, “They might not have the best ratios, but they have the best ratios with the most vulture saves.” Aroldis is being stretched out to start, but I don’t see how that happens without an injury to one of their starters. Then again, Dusty is managing the Reds so no pitcher is safe, which could be a tagline for the movie made about the Dusty Baker biography, “Pitchers Ain’t Sh*t But Hos And Tricks.” 2012 Projections: 7-2/3.00/1.26/90, 22 Holds, 5 saves
2. Javy Guerra – As Aroldis might be in the rotation (doubtful), Guerra could be the closer. I’m going on the assumption that the Dodgers make the right move in regards to their bullpen, but I’m not sure who received “common sense” in the divorce proceedings. 2012 Projections: 2-3/3.50/1.25/55, 20 Holds, 12 saves
3. Jon Rauch – I have him down for ten saves because he has closing experience (though none of it terrific) and Frank Francisco is just passable. Honestly, a lot of guys below him are more valuable than him. That’s not a tall crack either. 2012 Projections: 4-5/3.55/1.30/40, 20 Holds, 10 saves
4. Tyler Clippard – Nats have a solid staff, one of the best set-up men in baseball and a good offense. In twelve-after-twenty, the Nats lost their innocence and their suckitude. Now all praise to Jim Bowden for not being there anymore! 2012 Projections: 5-3/2.65/1.15/90, 20 Holds, 5 saves
5. Mark Melancon – Okay, besides Venters and Clippard this entire tier could be below the next tier if you’re not looking for saves. For ungstance (which is how I say instance), David Robertson is soooooooooo (yeah, 10 oh’s) much better than Melancon if you just want ratio help. Robertson probably won’t sniff a save though, unless Mo farts and explodes his colon and Soriano is a casualty. 2012 Projections: 6-2/3.25/1.25/65, 22 Holds, 5 saves
6. Jonny Venters – My projections for Venters might be on the low side. He was fantabulous last year. He also pitched in every game and then threw on the side five times a game then was taken to a carnival by Fredi Gonzalez to throw at the speed gun stand to try and win him a SpongeBob. 2012 Projections: 7-2/2.75/1.15/70, 24 Holds, 3 saves
7. Francisco Rodriguez – He’s getting paid something like $18 million to set up one of the best closers in the game, so he might just take a siesta for the better part of the season. Or maybe the Polish Kielbasa from the sausage race will kidnap him to free up some salary money. 2012 Projections: 6-4/2.75/1.26/80, 18 Holds, 3 saves
8. Mike Adams – I thought hard about moving Adams up because of my distrust of Nathan’s stuff, not just his lips and ass. The problem is the Rangers are stacked with potential Nathan replacements. Good for them, not so good on speculating for vulture saves. 2012 Projections: 5-1/2.70/1.05/70, 24 Holds, 3 saves
9. David Robertson – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the post. I call this tier, “Best Holds guys coupled with maybe a chance for some saves, though that’s less likely.” Wow, Robertson’s numbers were insane last year. A 13.50 K/9 and a 1.08 ERA. Seriously, I looked at two different sites because I didn’t believe them at first. His walks are such a mess that if he loses a K or two off his K/9, then the walks might catch up to him. Know what happens when walks increase? Runs. It’s yours, Highlights! 2012 Projections: 3-1/2.70/1.22/90, 30 Holds
10. Sergio Romo – Another guy who had insane K numbers, only Romo’s weren’t coupled with any walks. Like, none. His season seemed like it was above his head, so I imagine his stats will come down a little. Also, I will never use the word coupled again. Sorry about that. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.45/0.95/60, 28 Holds
11. Greg Holland – Speaking of a lot of Ks, Funky Cold Me-Holy-Crap Greg Holland was great last year. I think fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) are gonna want to own Greg Holland more this year than Derek Holland. Or not! The future is a fickle mistress that blackmails you with pictures of your balls. 2012 Projections: 3-2/2.60/1.06/70, 28 Holds
12. Sean Marshall – He worries me a bit, though his recent numbers tell me he’s nothing to worry about. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dusty uses him as a situational guy a lot more than he’s been doing recently, especially if Aroldis stays in the bullpen, which I think he does, and this is a long sentence, but still 40 words short of the world’s longest sentence; damn, that’s really long; I’m not even sure I can get there when I’m trying, which I’m not right now, otherwise I’d be disqualified from Guinness; I think; I’m not sure, actually. 2012 Projections: 4-2/3.00/1.15/70, 30 Holds
13. Joaquin Benoit – He has a good team for Holds, a closer in front of him that should keep him in the set-up role and a cool name. Six of one, half dozen of another and sixteen more gives you 28 Holds. 2012 Projections: 6-2/3.00/1.04/60, 28 Holds
14. Vinnie Pestano – Vinnie invented swag, poppin’ bottles, making batters look like scabs. Proof, I guess Vinnie got his swagger back, truth. New watch alert; he throws. Like the big ‘stache, Rollie; Vinnie got Ks like all of those. Arm out the window through the city, he doesn’t throw slow. Cock back, snap back, every hitter’s swing now has holes. 2012 Projections: 1-3/2.75/1.09/80, 25 Holds
15. Koji Uehara – There was talk of him moving to a new club. Again. I’m sure wherever he ends up he’ll get his Ks, Holds and Korean-fusion tacos. 2012 Projections: 2-2/2.85/1.00/70, 22 Holds
16. Antonio Bastardo – When Ryan Madson left Philly, he told Charlie Manuel you won’t have this bastard to kick around anymore. Then him and Antonio had words. Bastardo was almost ranked much higher, but I settled here because Papelbon should be fine and Antonio walks a crapton. 2012 Projections: 5-3/3.25/1.20/70, 25 Holds
17. Eric O’Flaherty – Top o’ the morning to you! O’Flaherty had a huge number of Holds last year, but I think Fredi Gonzalez is the new Torre, chewing up and spitting out middle men. The Braves should bring in Scott Proctor to be their pitching coach. 2012 Projections: 4-3/2.50/1.15/65, 25 Holds
18. Jose Veras – His walks are slightly egregious, but they used to be wholly egregious so we’re moving in the right direction. He is Charlie Sheen in Major League sans the interesting haircut and hookers in the honeywagon, a name Sheen took quite literally. 2012 Projections: 1-3/3.75/1.28/80, 20 Holds
19. Michael Dunn – Another guy who’s trying to do his best Wild Thing impersonation. Stay away if you’re trying for ratio help. More of a Ks, Holds possibility. 2012 Projections: 3-1/3.70/1.32/75, 20 Holds
20. Joel Zumaya – UPDATE: He’s donezo. There’s some guys that should be above Zumaya — Chris Resop, Grant Balfour, Ernesto Frieri, Jeff Samardzija, to name a few. I’m more putting Zumaya’s name here to give people a head’s up that he’s coming back and he’s in a place where the closer had Twins fans thinking they were clever every time they’d say, “Oh, Crapps.” 2012 Projections: Probably nothing, but it’s a deep league flyer.
